renewal

it is so hard to renew my mind daily. most of the time i wake up thinking about a) all the things i need to get done before work b) my shopping list (it is Christmas) or c) i've got to get to the gym, or the grocery store, or the bank...

i have begun to realize rarely do i ever wake up thinking i really just want to pour myself out to God this morning, to renew my mind, to let him change me and give me complete joy... i realize i have become comfortable with apathy, with the kind of life that anything but God tends to satisfy. i am so ashamed...and yet there is hope. God knew i would go through this time in my life- God knew that you would go through times like this, and he still chooses to love anyway.

for months now i have felt numb and starved, and i have let myself be okay with it. God has allowed me to be okay with it. he has allowed me to learn that i could have a great house, a husband, a well-paying job, a comfortable life- and still feel so bound and trapped.

i don't know what God will choose to do in my life in the coming time i have. i am tired of waking up thinking about a,b, &c. and i am so glad i am tired of it.

place of release

so i am attempting for about the 3rd or so time now to keep a consistent blog because i miss writing. i miss having record of my thoughts and discussions of other's thoughts on my thoughts...and the thoughts seem to be swarming in a lot thicker lately.

we'll see how it goes. be patient with me. i'm not to saavy with templates and fancy design.